


A Cure

by shipofpromises



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, Episode: s04e02 The Gift, F/M, First Time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-05-08 12:38:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5497328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipofpromises/pseuds/shipofpromises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments where Kathryn lets her guard down and lets Chakotay into heart and into her bed.</p><p>Part one is a Resolutions episode edition, part two takes place after The Gift, part three will be post-Endgame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A cure for heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He loves her, there is no doubt, and she, just wants to give him closure. To cure his heartache.

He sat in the darkness of his quarters. Staring out at the stars flying by. He had missed this particular familiar and hypnotic show. It was the only thing comforting him this evening, as even his spirit guide refused to visit him, console him.

It was the end of his first 5 day rotation back on Voyager, his first shift in months.

Everything was the same, and it had been business as usual for the crew.

But... she couldn't look at him.

Reports had been filed. Departments inspected. Rosters signed off.

But... she had never smiled.

A senior staff meeting, a briefing with department heads, and a quick coffee to talk about new course corrections.

But... she had never touched him.

He played the week back in his mind, because thinking about the weeks before this one utterly broke his heart. His uniform felt strange, too tight in some places, where his physical labour had had its effect on his limbs. 

He took off his uniform jacket and laid it on the couch beside him. His polo neck felt constricting, choking. He pulled it from him. His chest was rising and falling heavily. He felt sick.

Just as he convinced himself he was having a heart attack his door chimed.

It was very late, it could only be one person. He felt a wave of nausea, but despite himself announced "Come." into the darkness.

The doors slid open, light from the corridor blinding him momentarily.

She stepped through and didn't say a word. She stood there, silent in the dark, looking over at him, opening and closing her fists.

She turned her back, as if to leave.

"What's wrong?" He stood up from the couch, moved towards her, to halt her retreat.

"I can feel how heartbroken you are through the bulkhead." She announced, her voice soft but accusing.

"Don't." He snapped, anger in his voice, grabbing her wrist forcefully. She jerked her head around to stare him down.

His face softened, an apology in his eyes, her wrist was pulsing hard in his hand.

She closed the distance between them, just millimetres apart. Her face close to his, her chin raised, and then she very calmly, quietly, spoke.

"I want to give you something. But you have to promise. That once is enough."

Her perfume invaded his nostrils. "Yes." He whispered his reply, barely a millisecond of thought given to the answer. He nodded furiously incase his words weren't enough. He was embarrassed for himself in that moment, but oh so excited in the same instant.

She smiled gently, not quite reaching her eyes. He wanted to speak, tell her that she didn't have to, but he was paralysed as soon as her hands were upon him.

One laid itself upon his chest, whilst the other tentatively ran a hand through his hair.

"I've missed you." Her voice cracked with emotion. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, her thumb gliding over his temple tattoo.

And then suddenly she was kissing him.

Desperate kisses. She as starved as he.

Her lips pressed hard against his. Both of her hands cradled either side of his head. He wrapped his strong arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him. Their mouths melting deeper against each other. Her tongue slipped inside, hot and wet and magical, and his head swam with pleasure.

"Yes." He whispered to her between kisses "I promise."

He was too hungry to refuse the morsel she offered.

She pushed at his tank top, up his torso and over his head to reveal his hairless chest and stomach. She raked her nails across the expanse, over his shoulder blades and down his back.

He grabbed her ass, hard, and she gasped with pleasure and surprise at the feeling of his hard cock now nudging her belly.

He kissed her deeply, drinking her in. She moaned and ground her hips into him, seeking out the friction she so desperately needed. His hands encouraged her, pulling her close, her body sliding against his hardness.

"Bedroom. Now." She growled an order.

Happy to comply, he took her hand and rushed them both to the other room.

When they reached the bed, she pushed him down into a seated position and began slowly taking off her uniform.

First the pips. Each one placed reverently on the dressing table behind her.

Next the commbadge.

His heart raced wildly.

She stood close to him, staring into his eyes, as she unzipped her top, pushing it from her and to the floor.

She unclasped her hair, letting it flow freely down her back.

He leaned back on his elbows, watching her intently.

She stripped before him, until she was down to her panties and bra. Each move was slow and confident. Each time revealing more smooth creamy flesh, tiny freckles glittered into his world and he licked his lips thinking about kissing them.

"Now you." Her voice was deeper than ever, it sent shivers down his spine.

He started to move from the bed, but she pushed him back, a hand on his naked chest.

"No." She ordered. "Let me."

As she unzipped his trousers, he kicked off his boots and socks. She pulled off both his trousers and boxers in one swift movement until he was completely naked on the bed below her. Her eyes drank him in. Finally she was looking right at him, and it made him weak with want.

She hadn't planned for this. Not any of it.

It was if some unknown force had guided her to his quarters that night. Then seeing him, really looking at him for the first time in days, sitting alone in his quarters in the dark, sadness surrounding him, it had broken her.

She bit her bottom lip, staring at his manhood at full attention. She stared at his tan naked skin. There was no chance of turning back now, she needed this, needed him, desperately.

He reached out and pulled her to him, unclasping her bra and letting it slide to the floor. She slipped off her panties and pushed him back into the bed. She straddled him and grabbed his cock firmly, confidently.

He gasped "No. Wait. Not so soon... I want..." He grasped her wrists, pushing her away, flipping her so he was on top.

"Chakotay..." She whispered, starting to unfurl, she had wanted it so badly, but wanted it to be over quickly, so she could retreat once more.

He kissed across her neck, his mouth open and wet on her skin. He pushed her wrists above her head and she moaned, arching her body up against him. Pressing her naked flesh against his.

He kissed down her chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth, his free hand roughly sliding up her leg to grab her ass. He alternated between sucking her nipple and licking it, making her squirm and moan. His free hand roaming, and grabbing her.

She bent her knees, her hands on his back and pulled him towards her, trying to encourage him inside. Instead his fingers danced around her clit.

Frustrated she pushed hard at him and flipped him over onto his back.

She mounted his torso, grabbed his face and kissed him hard. She leaned back and felt his cock bounce against her ass. She wrapped an arm around her back and began stroking him with a tight fist. He groaned, his head rolling back into the pillow. She smiled down at him, a look of satisfaction on her face.

In response he moved a hand between them and slid across the length of her sex with two fingers, stroking her slow and hard.

She looked down at him, fire in her eyes, and let go of his cock, to enjoy the sensations passing through her body. She rocked against his fingers, her hands on his shoulders.

He slipped a finger inside and she gasped loudly, digging her nails into him.

She was wetter and more ready than he expected, and he grew harder thinking about replacing his finger with his cock. He added a second finger, whilst his free hand took her soft breast and teased at the nipple, rolling the flesh around in his hand.

His wet fingers slipped out and rubbed furious circles over her clit. She cried out, coming hard, her hips crashing down against him.

She panted, smiling down at him, and began moving her hips against him again. Asking for more. A defiant look on her face.

He growled, and grabbed her by the waist, lifting her, to slide her down his body. She raised her hips, and took him in her hand once more, and with one swift movement she eased his throbbing erection deep into her silky core.

She sighed with deep relief, feeling him fill her so completely.

They both stopped still, staring into each others eyes. Their breath laboured, and difficult.

Wanting to be even closer to her, he lifted himself up to cradle her in his arms, his hands splayed out against the soft skin of her back. He gently kissed behind her ear and started to slowly rock his hips into hers. He tried to keep a slow steady pace.

She moaned loudly, her hips bucking against him, needing more, and he rocked up to meet her. With her arms wrapped around his neck, she held him close as they moved as one. He slid in and out of her, and she wrapped herself around him.

She felt his lips mouthing sweet words on her skin and she felt tears at the back of her eyes, her heart breaking. She tried to urge him on, pushing her hips against him.

"Harder." She demanded, pushing him back against the bed.

He rolled them over, and she wrapped her legs around him. He thrust into her from above, his eyes closed in concentration.

"Come inside me Chakotay." She whispered.

He whimpered, such an unexpected sound and then complied. His thrusts erratic for a moment and then still above her.

"That wasn't fair..." He whispered into her neck and then rolled off her.

He grabbed a cloth from his beside locker, and moved towards her.

"What are you..."

"Shh..." He told her as he tenderly wiped at her sex.

It was both incredibly erotic and unimaginably tender. Her heart soared with affection for him.

"I should go."

"You don't have to."

"I know. But... we promised."

"Okay."

She cradled his face in her hand for a moment and then asked "Can you..." She motioned at him to turn away from her.

"Sure." He pulled the covers over himself and turned towards the wall.

She dressed quickly.

Grabbing her 4 pips from his dresser into a tight fist she looked back at him. His strong shoulders and back.

She sighed audibly.

He turned and looked at her. "Thank you." He smiled, trying desperately to hide the sadness encompassing him. Willing her to stay but too afraid to ask.

She nodded once and turned, leaving his quarters. Vowing to herself that they would keep that promise, telling herself she could wait.

Could wait to love him again, when they finally got home.


	2. A cure for grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her heart is aching, she needs him, and yet needs to let him go, all at the same time. Her heart is conflicted, after the events of Scorpion and The Gift. She needs to find a cure for her grief.

I stare at my hands. Soil deep under my fingernails. My skin blackened with the earth. A flicker of memory, uninvited, parades itself across my frontal lobe. Talaxian tomatoes. I wonder briefly, if they've flourished there. Perhaps they have grown tall and provided food for the wildlife on that small beautiful planet that was once our home.

I idly wonder what he would have cooked for us with those vegetables. I think of red pasta sauce at the corner of his mouth, the desire to reach across the table and simply swipe it away with my thumb, as intimate as a kiss, somehow more.

I push my hands back into the ground, willing the memories to go with them. But they flood my senses.

I can smell the wood shavings. A hint of the secrets he was keeping from me, the surprises designed simply to bring me joy, his constant efforts to keep me grounded. I close my eyes and I feel his large hands on me. His tenderness seeping through my clothes. Arms holding me close as a storm raged. Fingers pressing into my weary muscles.

My heart swells with the knowledge that he is all that is good in this universe. He is lovely and I wish I could adore him.

A spiral of desire, and shame, unfurls in my belly as I think of the way his lips mouthed sweet words of devotion on my skin, as I desperately rocked my hips in an effort to finish what we had started. Angry now, I stand. The intensity of our joining, isn’t something I allow myself to think about.

My heart pounds in my chest, with longing for him. My hands clench and unclench.

I stand and look around the arboretum. Wondering if I will ever know the simplest joys in life ever again. Will I see these seedlings mature? Will they survive this harsh unnatural light? Will I?

My eyes settle on the beautiful rose bushes and I remember why I had come here in the first place. To make sure the undone work here was finalised, before handing it over to the crew. How I wish I could take responsibility for it myself. It would bring me such pleasure, and make me feel closer to her.

Tears sting at the back of my eyelids, and I push them away.

I take a sharp scissor from the cart and approach the mature flower beds. I snip a large dusky pink rose, snatching it from its home. I breathe in the scent, try to remember her, but again he finds me.

Familiar stars twinkle above us. We lay on the floor of the sail boat, side by side, but not touching. He is animated and excited to tell me stories from his people about the shapes the stars keep. Trying to distract me from thinking about the last 24 hours and how death stalked me like prey.

My head turns to face him, his pointed upwards, I barely hear a word, I am so drawn to his mouth. It would have been so easy back then, a tiny insignificant movement, if only he would bring his lips to mine. In that moment, I wouldn’t allow myself to bridge the gap, for fear that this perfect moment would fade into a fantasy, like the nightmares before it, those past few days.

I stare at the rose, so like the one he gifted me those many months ago.

I realise then, that he is constantly taking care of me, so selfless, never pushing. Always giving me the room I need. But I wonder then - why is he not here now? Have I pushed him away too many times that he has given up on me? Has he grown tired of the thankless job of being my friend?

I dart out the door and down the corridor.

Something desperate compels me. A pain in my chest. A burning hurt of realization. She was all that was good in this universe, and she is gone. Gone too soon. My heart is filled with a premonition of loosing him too.

I press the keypad at his door and he immediately grants me access. The lights are down low, and he’s been reading on his couch, sprawled out comfortably in loose grey pyjamas. I suddenly realise how late it is.

There’s a look of confusion on his face, but no words.

I swiftly move to sit beside him and extend my hand, he tentatively takes the rose.

“Chakotay…” My voice is broken, as if I have not spoken to another human in years.

"I... it's beautiful... one of Kes's?" His voice is unsure, yet he shifts to turn his body towards me.

"Yes..." I quiver. Tears unbidden now. I'm broken and I shouldn't have come, but it's too late now.

He places the rose on the coffee table and takes my cheek tenderly in his hand.

I slip closer and wrap myself around him. He envelopes me in his arms. I cling to him and sob.

"I'm sorry." I whisper into his neck. "I should have said thank you, I should have thanked you so many times."

“What do you mean?” he’s looking down at me, puzzled, but tenderness in his eyes.

“I just… wanted to say thank you…” I let my lips inch closer to his face to whisper “for once…” against his, and then, so easily they slip together, to form a soft featherlight kiss.

I raise my hands to his face, he pulls away and grabs my wrists, raising them to stare at my filthy hands in disbelief.

Then he smiles. Huge and bright like the sun.

"Oh" I begin to laugh and he leans back in, laughing into my mouth. Smiling and kissing me deeply. His lips wet, open and tender against mine. Laughter still bellowing low in our chests.

I pull away and there is dirt all over his face, probably in his hair.

"Oh no... I should..." I try to escape, embarrassed and loosing my confidence.

"Shh..." he whispers his hands pulling me into his lap, his kisses finding my neck. "Shh Kathryn... please don't go..." his voice is low and gravelly, full of want for me, my heart soars.

"Did I... ever thank you..." my hands are filled with his hair, as his roam my body, setting me on fire, his mouth hot on my skin.

"What for?" He asks as he pulls my jumpsuit zipper down, and helps me out of the top half.

"The bath tub..." I tell him, gesturing to remind him of the curved shape, his own hands are slipping my grey turtleneck and tank top up my torso.

"I don't this so..." he shakes his head, grinning and I push the offending clothes over my head once and for all.

"Consider this a thank you..." I grab his hand and press them to my chest. His fingers move to fondle my tits and I am in heaven.

"Jesus Kathryn..." I grind down onto his hard cock. I haven't felt a man between my legs in too long, it is exquisite and I can't help but throw my head back in deep enjoyment.

He gently picks me up and pushes me down onto the couch, pulling the rest of my uniform away from my body.  
I'm lying there in just my bra and panties.

"You better take those off Chakotay" I barely recognize the sound of my own voice, it's laced with unbridled passion and I think I may eat him alive.

I watch as he quickly pulls his clothes from his body until he is completely naked. I slip my own undergarments off and throw them to the floor.

He's kneeling on the floor, pulling my legs towards him, his mouth open, practically salivating. I let my head fall back in fucking bliss as his thick hot tongue goes deep into my pussy. His long arms stretch up, his hands grabbing my breasts roughly.

I can feel his nose. His beautiful nose buried haphazardly in my clit. His teeth grazing me. It's awkward, wonderful, so incredibly intimate and I'm enjoying every moment.

I laugh with pure joy and he raises his head, smiling at me. As delirious as I am.

"Come here... I need you." I pant, pulling his body to me.

"I won't... I won't last long..." his brow creases with worry.

"Shh... it doesn't matter..." I don't care. I need to feel him. Be connected to him. For now I need to feel all of him. Make sure he is still here with me.

He slides his cock so slowly, so god damm slowly, into me. Tears sting in my eyes as my body stretches to accommodate him. He stills above me, waiting to see if I am okay.

Beautiful, perfect, sweet Chakotay. Even now, all he can think of is me. How I adore him.

"You are perfect." I whisper into his ear. His head jerks up and he stares into my eyes. Disbelief. "You are wonderful." I press my hips upward, I dig my nails into his back. I urge him forward and he begins.

I match him thrust for thrust, it feels incredible. But he is quickly loosing control, I can sense I won't make it with him.

"I can feel you deep inside Chakotay." I whisper hotly into his ear, my mouth wet on his earlobe. He groans deep at the back of his throat.

I pull his earlobe all the way into my mouth and suck on it greedily.

And then he shudders, coming apart inside me. Grunting my name.

"I'm sorry..." he whispers, his eyes tightly shut, he collapses on his side.

"Stop." I stroke his hair and brow, I drop a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“You never play fair Kathryn” he laughs, giddy and warm.

Turning my body on the couch, I nestle my back against his chest and his two arms wrap around my nakedness.

I only plan on indulging in this closeness for a moment, knowing I can’t stay. I can’t pretend that this is the start of something for us. It needs to be like before.

His breath tickles the back of my neck. His hands push my ponytail to one side, and he begins kissing my cheek.

I gasp as his fingers slide across my flesh, one large hand at my breast, the other slipping between my legs. I am powerless to resist, I open my knees wide inviting him in. Two fingertips find my swollen clit and begin moving gently.

I can feel his intense concentration behind me. My breath hitches as he reaches a circular motion and pressure that makes me squirm. I can feel him smiling, his cheek now against mine.

My hips rock trying to urge him to move faster, press harder. He maintains the pace, but instead his lips and teeth begin grazing my neck, his other hand pinches my nipple.

I am in heaven, and hell. I am so close and words start tumbling from me.

"Please... I need you... faster.... harder..." I desperately plea with him. I hook my leg back over him, opening myself fully.

And then suddenly his cock is driving inside me from behind.

"Oh god!" I exclaim so loudly I swear I hear an echo in the room.

He fucks me hard, his thighs and stomach slapping against me. I wrap a hand around to pull his head against me, my hands pulling his hair, needing something to hold onto.

His fingers speed up on my swollen clit and I can feel my inner muscles twitching and throbbing.

"Uhhhhhhh!" The orgasm hits me suddenly, like a wave, my pussy trying to grip his cock as it continues to move within me. I feel him letting go and another orgasm overtakes me, this one coming from deep in my belly and spreading up my body, down into my toes, and flashing out my eyes.

After a moment, as our breath returns to us. I turn in his arms, his spent cock slipping from me. I kiss him deeply. Tears streaming down my face.

"I'm so sorry it always has to be this way..." I'm sobbing again, and I hate myself for feeling so vulnerable.

"Shh it's okay. I'm always here. We need this sometimes." He kisses the tears away from my cheeks.

"I needed this. Needed you." I admit to him. "And I'm sorry. You deserve more than this. You're better than this."

"Kathryn I..." He is pulling me closer to him. Holding me.

"Please don't say it. I can't bare it." My hands are on his chest, starting to push him physically and emotionally away.

I stare at the dirt and grime beneath my fingernails. “You know… she would have wanted me to take care of them, but I can’t…”

“The roses?” He asks, sighing. I can still feel his large hands, rubbing in circles on my back.

“The roses… Neelix… everyone. I have to be strong, to take care of all of you. This, this between us is too much. And you... god, you are so wonderful. You deserve happiness. Joy. Someone that can take care of you... but me? I can’t get close to them anymore, not to anyone. Kes leaving has crushed me. I’m broken Chakotay.” my heart is pouring out all the truth now, the barriers have been taken down by our passionate joining.

“Kathryn. This will pass.” his brow is furrowed with concern.

“No. It would never pass. If it were you. I can’t be that broken person, never again.”

“I don’t understand.” he whispers, I can hear his heart breaking and mind racing, trying to catch up with me.

I forget that he doesn’t know me as well I as I think he does, I forget that I’ve never been able to be completely honest with him about my past. I realise that he deserves to know, to understand why, why we can’t be together.

“Chakotay… I lost someone, before. Before Mark. There was Justin. We were engaged, and oh how I loved him, but… he died because, of, me. And it nearly destroyed me, I don’t know how it didn’t. But I can’t let that happen again. Not here. Not in the Delta Quadrant” tears are stinging in my eyes and I can’t bear to tell him more, but there he is, listening intently, patiently.

I shiver, the cold getting into my bones, despite the warmth of his body beside me.

I extract myself from his arms, suddenly angry and ashamed at all the feelings in my heart. I begin picking up my clothes, throwing them on, trying to hide my shame and vulnerability.

“Kathryn. That’s the past, this is now. You said it yourself… you need me, and I you. If this is all we can have, if this is all you can offer me for now, that’s enough.” He has pulled a pillow into his lap, hugging it to him, I can see pain etched on his face, and I don’t want to land this last blow, but I must.

“No Chakotay. You deserve so much more. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. That’s why I need to say goodbye, to this. To us.”

“You’re…” he takes a deep breath, standing from the couch.

We’re both pulling on our clothes, trying not to catch each other’s eyes.

“You’re hurting me Kathryn... I never asked anything of you, I’ve never pushed, I’ve never... I've always waited for you to come to me. But you’ve known, you’ve known I’d always say yes. I would always let you take what you need, always.”

“I... I know.” I whisper, sadness enveloping me.

I sit on the couch. We are both clothed now. He joins me, sighing heavily.

We are back to the beginning, back to where we were before. He picks up the rose, and stares at it as I start to speak.

“I came here tonight to thank you for being there for me, but I need you to stop. I can’t know that you’ll always be there. I need to be alone. To make the hard decisions. It will let me push the feelings aside, all of my feelings.”

“The hard decisions?! Like trusting the Borg?!” he stands, angry, and somehow this is better than before, it’s better that he is angry.

“Yes. Yes Chakotay. This past incident with the Borg, it almost destroyed us. What would have happened if we were… together? How might that series of events played out? I made the decision, because I’m the Captain and that’s what I do. I make the decisions.” my voice is harsh, commanding, all tenderness gone somehow.

“All the decisions. All the decisions about us.” he stares at me accusingly. “Why did you come here tonight? To torture me? To show me, again, what it could be like between us. Did this count for nothing? Didn’t you feel it Kathryn?” his voice is raised and I wish he would shout, throw something.

“Of course I did.” I whisper, closing my eyes, because I can’t bear to see the rawness in his. “I… I need you, Chakotay. I will always need you. As my friend, and my first officer.”

He sighs heavily. “Okay… Okay Kathryn.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to torture you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I only wanted you to know, just once, how I…” I can’t get the words out, it hurts too much.

“I know… I know…” he takes another deep breath. “I will always be here for you. No matter what. But… please don’t come to me again like this. It hurts… it hurts too much to know how perfect we could be…” his breath is heavy, I can tell now how much he is controlling his emotions, trying to keep himself in check. Trying not to - lash out, perhaps? Or… maybe kiss me one last time.

“Yes. I promise. Never again.” it’s a whisper, but I stand to confront him, looking deep into his eyes, staring into the truth of how I have hurt him.

It’s then that I remember the vow I had made, long ago, that I would wait until we got home. How stupid I had been think that would be possible. But now, now I know what’s at stake. I’ll keep my distance, because I never want to hurt him like this, never again.

I will never assume myself on to him. Never take from his body, and heart. He deserves more, he deserves better than me.

“Goodnight, Kathryn.” he turns from me, and walks away, towards his bedroom.

“Goodnight, Chakotay.” I tell him softly, staring after him. Wishing I could follow.

Instead, I check that my clothes are all back in place, and my hair neat. I take one last look at the rose, forgotten on the couch, and leave his quarters.

I spend a sleepless night wondering if I will ever know the joy of him again, and part of me somehow knows, that I can’t and won’t. And it hurts, it hurts more than I imagined it would.


End file.
